Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
8:15 am
Sat January 25, 2014

Limericks

Originally published on Sat January 25, 2014 2:16 pm

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Phoenix Arizona on February 13th and in Kalamazoo Michigan on March 20th. Also check out our How To Do Everything podcast. This week a listener with an embarrassing name gets some valuable advice from former Congressman Anthony Weiner.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

BRIAN THORNTON: Hi, this is Brian Thornton from Columbia City, Indiana.

SAGAL: Now, I've been through Indiana a bit but I haven't been to Columbia City. Where's that?

THORNTON: We are just west of Fort Wayne.

SAGAL: That's not helping.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, no, it is. I'm sorry. I'm joking. What do you do there?

THORNTON: I artificially inseminate cows.

(LAUGHTER)

THORNTON: And in this weather one hand's always warm and the other hand's always cold.

(LAUGHTER)

HANNIBAL BURRESS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Brian, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of them. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks you'll be a big winner. Are you ready to play?

THORNTON: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: When you sleep do you grunt like a bore? Does your sinus cause rumblings like Thor? You now have a choice, start training your voice. Fine singing will lessen your...

THORNTON: ...snore.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A British choir director has developed a cure for snoring, singing. Inspired by her husband Frank, a chronic snorer, she came up with a series of singing exercises developed to strengthen certain muscles in his throat and stop the snoring. She's now released a line of CD's called "Singing for Snorers," replacing in many homes one horrible, obnoxious sound for another.

(LAUGHTER)

JESSI KLEIN: Do you snore, Brian, Hannibal?

BURRESS: I snore.

KLEIN: I've seen you snore.

BURRESS: Really?

KLEIN: Oh, yeah, when you used to fall asleep at work.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: You do snore.

(LAUGHTER)

BURRESS: Wait.

KLEIN: Hannibal and I've never did it. I happen to also know that Hannibal snores...

BURRESS: We used to work together. When would I fall asleep at work?

KLEIN: Oh Hannibal, really?

(LAUGHTER)

BURRESS: In the - oh, you know, in read through, yeah.

BRIAN BABYLON: What kind of job was that? Was that boring? Were you just...

BURRESS: No. I was writing at Saturday Night Live.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: A wedding's a fragile occurrence. To plan one will test your endurance. The Lord knows I try, some things go awry. To fig them I bought some...

THORNTON: ...insurance.

SAGAL: Indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: So this is how it works. This is great news.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So you've booked the caterer and the hall, you've paid for the flowers, and now your future son in law decided at the last minute to run away with the maid of honor, OK. This could happen. Well, now there's insurance for that. It'll pay back your costs due to anything that forces a cancellation of your wedding, from weather to natural disaster to your daughter's terrible, terrible taste in men.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Here's where I'm keeping my jam and here is my leftover ham. And back by the crackers sit armies of hackers. My fridge sends out emails with...

THORNTON: ...Spam

SAGAL: Right, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Hackers are infiltrating these high tech, internet-connected refrigerators and they're sending out spam from the refrigerators.

(LAUGHTER)

BURRESS: Oh, man.

SAGAL: That explains the weird email you got from the Nigerian prince claiming to be trapped next to an old jar of mayonnaise.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Brian do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, with three correct answers, Peter, Brian Thornton is a winner.

THORNTON: Thank you.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

THORNTON: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing, Brian.

THORNTON: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.