Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
9:12 am
Sat August 2, 2014

Lightning Fill In The Blank

Originally published on Mon August 25, 2014 9:53 am

Copyright 2014 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightening Fill In The Blank. Each of our players now has 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill Kurtis, can you give us the scores, please?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Alonzo and Maz have two apiece. They are tied. Paula has four.

SAGAL: Oh, my gosh.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have flipped a coin, and Alonzo has chosen to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. The Peace Corps announced it was pulling its volunteers from countries in West Africa as the blank outbreak continued to spread.

ALONZO BODDEN: Ebola.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After failing to meet a payment deadline, the country of blank defaulted for the second time in 12 years.

BODDEN: Is it Argentina?

SAGAL: It is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yosemite National Park was forced to make closures throughout the park as a blank there continued to spread.

BODDEN: Fire.

SAGAL: Right, a wildfire.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two police officers in Britain were commended for being able to make an arrest, even though they were blank.

BODDEN: Naked?

SAGAL: No. Dressed as a zebra and a monkey. On Wednesday...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I like my answer better.

SAGAL: On Wednesday, George W. Bush announced he had written a biography of blank that will be released in November.

BODDEN: I have - his father?

SAGAL: His father, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Actor Orlando Bloom fulfilled all of our deepest wishes when he threw a punch at blank.

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: Uh-oh. They know it, and I don't. Orlando Bloom threw a punch at paparazzi?

SAGAL: No, he threw a punch at Justin Bieber. Four prisoners...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Way to go, Legalas. Four prisoners in Australia who escaped from prison got so drunk they blanked.

BODDEN: Got caught?

SAGAL: No, they broke back into prison.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to the Australian Department of Corrections, four prisoners broke curfew, snuck out of their cells, hopped the prisons fence and provided them with beer and weed. The prisoners were caught trying to lock themselves back in their cells. They each had two years added on to their sentences for the crime of not getting while the getting was good.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alonzo do in our quiz?

KURTIS: He got eight more points - total of 10, and the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Maz, you are up next. Fill in the blank. This week, Israel announced that even with a truce, they plan to destroy the tunnels that run under blank.

MAZ JOBRANI: Gaza.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Congress announced the $17 billion plan to improve health care for blank.

JOBRANI: For America?

SAGAL: For veterans. The CIA has officially apologized for hacking computers belonging to members of the blank.

JOBRANI: Senate.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: President Obama urged leaders in Central America to help curb the number of blanks entering the U.S.

JOBRANI: The immigrants.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A clown was injured in a Boston-area crash of a blank.

JOBRANI: Airplane?

SAGAL: No, a clown car, of course.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Panasonic announced a plan to build a large-scale battery factory in partnership with electric car manufacturer blank.

JOBRANI: Tesla.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A California judge ruled that Donald Sterling cannot block the $2 billion sale of his team, the blank.

JOBRANI: Clippers.

SAGAL: The Los Angeles Clippers.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Officials in China who had rushed to finish a sports stadium were disappointed to realize they had blanked.

JOBRANI: They had forgotten to find the right place for it?

SAGAL: They were disappointed when they realized they built the running track in the shape of a rectangle.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The stadium is awesome. It's got all of the latest amenities. It's got the most modern design, all straight lines and right angles, including the running track, which, as you know, is traditionally oval. Everything was fine until the leader punched a runner-shaped hole through the stadium wall.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Maz do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Maz got five points for 10 more points. He now has 12 points and the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here's the question I love to ask. How many does Paula Poundstone need to win?

KURTIS: Four to tie, five to win.

SAGAL: There you go, Paula. Here we go. This is for the game, Paula Poundstone. Fill the blank. Vladimir Putin claimed that the new blanks imposed by the U.S. and EU would only help strengthen the Russian economy.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Economic sanctions.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After not being able to secure enough votes, Republicans and the House were forced to scrap their proposed blank bill.

POUNDSTONE: Immigration.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Sarah Palin announced she was launching her own blank.

POUNDSTONE: Television network.

SAGAL: Right, online channel.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Calling himself the flag bearer of anti-doping, Vincenzo Nibali became the first Italian to win the blank in 16 years.

POUNDSTONE: The - Tour de France.

SAGAL: Tour de France, right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Traditional healers in China are claiming they can cure impotence by blanking.

POUNDSTONE: Traditional healers say they can cure impotence by rubbing up against a man.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It might work. But what they're doing, in this case, is they're lighting the patient's crotch on fire.

POUNDSTONE: I knew that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The ancient fire treatment, also known as Chinese Viagra, fire crotch, or little burning man works like this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You lay on a massage table, you wrap a towel doused in herbal oil around your waist and then you light the towel on fire.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Paula do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, she needed four to tie. She had four. So Paula and Maz are this week's co-champions.

SAGAL: In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that handshakes have been deemed unsafe, what will be the next common behavior to be declared unhealthy? But first, let me tell you that support for NPR comes from NPR stations and Esurance - insurance for the modern world. With Fuelcaster, a tool that predicts whether gas prices will rise or fall tomorrow, at esurance.com. The Doris Duke Charitable Foundation, supporting the performing arts, the environment, medical research and child well-being. And Angie's List, connecting consumers directly to its online marketplace of services from member-reviewed local companies - more at angieslist.com. WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Phillip Goedicke writes our limericks. Our web guru is Beth Novey. Thanks to Masae, Aitoku, Corbett Kyle and the crew at the Nourse Theater in San Francisco. Special thanks to Holly Muller-Wollan, Kate Goldstein-Breyer, Allie Washkin and, of course, the remarkable Sydney Goldstein at City Arts and Lectures. And this week, we say farewell to our intern Seth Kelley. Seth, we so are grateful for the time we’ve had together, listening to you play your French horn, watching you hold our disco light at Red Rocks and filling in for Bill Kurtis for three weeks in a row without anyone noticing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Good luck, Seth, and thanks for everything. B.J. Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Eva Wolchover and Miles Dornboss. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Ann Nguyen. Our production coordinator is Robert Neuhaus. Our senior producer is Mr. Ian Chillag. And the executive producer of WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME is Mike Spectacles Danforth. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.