Bruce Willis, Wash Your Mouth Out

Dec 5, 2013
Originally published on March 4, 2015 11:11 am

You may be familiar with Bruce Willis' endlessly quotable catchphrase from the action movie franchise Die Hard, though we can't reprint it in full here. This game asks contestants to "clean up" the famous line by swapping out the offending obscenity for other words that are commonly found after the word "mother." Yippee-ki-yay, Mother Nature!

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Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

And let's say hello to our first two contestants, Blake Lagneaux and Matt Davis.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now, both of you are visiting New York. Matt, where are you visiting from?

MATT DAVIS: Philadelphia.

EISENBERG: Philadelphia. Wonderful. I enjoy your bell.

DAVIS: I like it too.

EISENBERG: You like it too?

DAVIS: It's not in its best state of repair, but.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: It needs a little repair.

DAVIS: Yeah.

EISENBERG: That's part of its charm. So let me ask you this, Matt. If you could be any action hero from a movie who would you choose?

DAVIS: I think James Bond.

EISENBERG: Yes.

DAVIS: I'm pretty confident he can't be killed.

EISENBERG: He can't be killed. I see. So this is all about - I feel what you're doing. You're just trying to figure out how to stay alive as an action figure. Which James Bond incarnation, though?

DAVIS: Oh, it's Sean Connery.

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah. All right. Classic. Classic.

JONATHAN COULTON: Yeah. Duh. Duh.

EISENBERG: Duh.

COULTON: That's obvious. It's obvious.

EISENBERG: What about Daniel Craig?

DAVIS: Nah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You're not a lady. Blake, where are you visiting from?

BLAKE LAGNEAUX: I'm from south Louisiana.

EISENBERG: South Louisiana. Where in south Louisiana?

LAGNEAUX: LaFayette.

EISENBERG: LaFayette. Sure. Yeah.

LAGNEAUX: Cajun country.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Pumping his fist for the few people that are screaming. And if you could be any action star, who would you choose?

LAGNEAUX: I kind of went the superhero route and I'm thinking the Hulk because it just seems easy.

(LAUGHTER)

LAGNEAUX: It just seems lazy, like, they come to him.

EISENBERG: You just have to get angry.

LAGNEAUX: Yeah, yeah.

EISENBERG: That's the only thing you have to do. I like that, you just pounding in front of your body to show what the Hulk does. Just, eh, pounds lazily.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Fantastic. Well, this game is called Bruce Willis, Wash Your Mouth Out. Jonathan, do you think Bruce Willis has a filthy mouth?

COULTON: I do. Yes. You mean Bruno. You're talking about Bruno.

EISENBERG: Bruno. Yeah.

COULTON: I call him Bruno.

EISENBERG: Oh, OK. Sorry.

COULTON: Yeah. No, he's a notorious swearer. You know, in the "Die Hard" films his character John McClane is very fond of saying yippee ki-yay mother and then a horrible swear word.

EISENBERG: True. True.

COULTON: So contestants, in this game we want you to clean up John McClane's catchphrase. Puzzle guru John Chaneski, will you give us an example?

JOHN CHANESKI: Sure. If I said John McClane uses this phrase when he faces off against the maternal personification of all the natural forces in the world, you would yippee ki-yay, Mother Nature.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: So your answers will begin with yippee ki-yay mother something. And if you'd like to do a Bruce Willis impression, that is mandatory.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: And the winner of this round will move on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show. Are you ready?

DAVIS: Ready.

LAGNEAUX: Ready.

EISENBERG: OK. McClane enthusiastically yells this when he reveals the true identity of the author credited with writing most English nursery rhymes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Matt.

DAVIS: Yippee ki-yay Mother Goose.

EISENBERG: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: This is what McClane screams while head-butting the Roman Catholic nun who won the 1979 Nobel Peace Prize.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Matt.

DAVIS: Yippe ki-yay, Mother Theresa?

COULTON: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: She has a very, very hard skull, too, so you have to really headbutt her to take her out.

EISENBERG: That's a "Die Hard VII: Old Habits Die Hard."

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: McClane shouts this in rage as he rips to shreds copies of the political magazine that was named after a trade union activist.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Matt.

DAVIS: Yippee ki-yay, Mother Jones.

EISENBERG: Yes. You nailed it.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: After McClane is abducted by aliens, he makes this threatening declaration as he blows up the large spacecraft from which smaller craft are launched.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Matt.

DAVIS: Yippe ki-yay, Mothercraft.

COULTON: Oh, no. Can't take that, sorry. Blake?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

LAGNEAUX: Yippee ki-yay, Mothership.

COULTON: Yes.

LAGNEAUX: Right.

COULTON: That's what we were looking for.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: From "Die Hard VIII: In Space, No One Can Hear You Kick Ass"...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: ...McClane mutters this as he violently scrapes away the iridescent substance lining the inside of some oyster shells that's used to ornamental beads and buttons.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Blake.

LAGNEAUX: Yippe ki-yay, mother of pearl.

EISENBERG: Yes.

COULTON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I know. Hard to believe that was right. And that was right.

COULTON: When McClane's computer crashes he cries this out in frustration as he smashes the main circuit panel to smithereens.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Matt.

DAVIS: Yippee ki-yay, motherboard.

COULTON: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: McClane sarcastically utters this as he completely destroys his native language.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Blake.

LAGNEAUX: Yippee ki-yay, mother tongue?

EISENBERG: Yes. That is right. I don't know how you do that.

LAGNEAUX: No.

EISENBERG: Just really bad grammar.

COULTON: Punch a dictionary, I guess. I don't know.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: In real life, Bruce Willis is sorely tempted to say this to the woman who gave birth to his wife.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Blake.

LAGNEAUX: Yippee ki-yay, mother-in-law.

COULTON: That's right.

CHANESKI: Yes.

EISENBERG: All right, John Chaneski.

CHANESKI: We have a tie.

EISENBERG: All right.

CHANESKI: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

CHANESKI: So here's your tiebreaker, guys. McClane whispers this as he steals a dog's bone from the cupboard of an old nursery rhyme character.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHANESKI: Matt.

DAVIS: Yippee ki-yay, Mother Hubbard.

CHANESKI: That is correct. You're our winner.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Matt is our winner with a vengeance.

EISENBERG: So close. Thank you, Blake. And, Matt, we'll be seeing you again for our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.